Space Case
by Kaki-kun
Summary: I know crappy title. Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, Kakashi and all the other teams and Jounins are sent to go to Mars by Sodaime. Neji without meds, Kakashi's sanity slipping, secret admirerers, Asuma's phobia, Gigi the monkey, Sasuke's plan and a lotta nutjobs
1. Jounin Discussion

Space Case  
  
By: Noki  
  
Ah yes, time for the first chapter! Please review, pleeeeaaaassseeee??? I think the Genin teams will come in Chapter two, I just adore having Kakashi and Gai fight! ;p but if anyone really wants me to add Iruka to the fray, you can tell me at any time. No romance though, especially no yaoi/shonen-ai. So there you have it, on with the fic!

Disclaimer: Okay, I don't own much. This is one of the many many many things I don't own, sad to say. v.v

Key:  
"...." = Speech  
'......' = Thoughts  
....... = Stuffness

Chapter 1: Jônin Discussion  
  
**5 a.m.**  
  
Asuma blew a puff of his cigarette out in the humid air as Kakashi paced back and forth. He finally stopped and huffed.  
  
"Can I have a smoke?"  
  
"Sure." Asuma tossed Kakashi the pack of cigarettes and lighter. Gai frowned as Kakashi lit up and handed it back.  
  
"Kakashi, you don't smoke..."  
  
"Whatever..." He leaned against the wall and took a long drag. "Okay, so we can all agree that Hokage-sama has lost his marbles?" The three other Jônins nodded without hesitation, almost of their minds lingered to yesterday at the Academy...  
  
--  
  
_The four Jônins and Iruka, who had just came into the room by accident, stared at Sodaime like he grew a second head right in front of them. Dead silence filled the room. Finally Kakashi burst out laughing.  
  
"Okay, that was a good one!!" Soon enough the other Jônins began to laugh with him. Iruka sighed and smiled while thinking, 'it's about time Hokage-sama's jokes were funny...'  
  
The third Hokage sat there with his fingers weaved with the other hands under his chin, he glanced his wrinkly eyes back up to the teachers.  
  
"That's enough laughing. I'm serious." Dead silence had returned to the room as they looked at him like he grew a third head to keep the second on his shoulders company.  
  
They blinked. They stared They blinked and stared. A cloud of doom condensed and hung over their heads. Of course, that didn't really happen because it's figurative speaking.  
  
"WHAT?!?!" Kakashi, Iruka, Asuma, Kurenai, and Gai all yelled in unison. Sodaime grinned happily. Oh, he cracked himself up sometimes.  
  
"Hokage-sama, you CAN'T be serious?!" Kurenai yelled.  
  
"I'm very serious. I'm going to send you four with your genin teams to space." Sodaime explained very calmly. It was Asuma's turn to question his father.  
  
"B-But....WHY?!"  
  
"Because the land of rock has beaten us to the moon, so we must beat them to Mars!!"  
  
"That's reasonable." Gai proclaimed and nodded. Kakashi bopped him over the head.  
  
"Idiot, you're not helping," Kakashi muttered angrily. Iruka finally intruded and asked the next question before the Jônin's could do it themselves.  
  
"Why them?" No one was surpised by Iruka's presence.  
  
"Because...," Sodaime trailed off then continued to another subject before finishing the answer. "You will be leaving in three days."   
  
"We are so screwed..." Kakashi mumbled, he was already miserable because he left his precious bok at home and now this?  
  
"It's nice to see you have such faith in my judgement..." Hokage sweatdropped. "Any other questions?"  
  
"Who's piloting the shuttle??" Sodaime put on a cheerful smile, which caused them all to cringe. It was not good when he was this happy.  
  
"I'm so glad you asked Kurenai!!" He clapped his hands and a door behind him opened with excrutiating amount of light, probably just to add effects. A figure stepped into the room. The moment the light faded, the cloud of doom doubled in size and mass. Iruka simply stood there thinking, 'oh my...'  
  
"I'd like to introduce you to Gigi!" Sodaime chirped happily. The Jônins were quiet.  
  
"That's...a monkey..." Asuma confirmed. Gigi simply ate her banana.  
  
"Ah, but not JUST a monkey..." Kakashi, Asuma, and Kurenai secretly prayed for the monkey to be an astronaut in a monkey costume. "...but a WELL-TRAINED monkey!" Everyone except Gigi, Sodaime, and Gai fell over.  
  
"Oooo, what can it do?" Gai asked with the wonder of a five year old.  
  
"I'll show you! Come on Gigi!" He snapped his fingers and the monkey did a backflip. Gai clapped and Iruka sweatdropped.  
  
"My god...we're doomed..." Kakashi mumbled while peeling his face off the carpet.  
_  
--  
  
"...Can someone pinch me so I can confirm that this isn't a twisted nightmare?" Gai wailed him on the shoulder and Kakashi glared back. "I said pinch not punch, you stupid jackass..." Gai flashed his infamous smile as Kakashi cringed.  
  
"Just pay back from earlier. Someone woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning..."  
  
"Zip it, ugly." Kurenai placed her hands behind her head and sighed.  
  
"Now what?"  
  
"Assume Hokage-sama went temporarily mentally ill and hide until he gets better?" Asuma scratched his chin in thought.  
  
"Not a bad strategy, Kakashi..."  
  
"Why not just go?" Kakashi, Kurenai, and Asuma face faulted.  
  
"Gai, are you really that stupid...?," Asuma asked while tapping his cigarette.  
  
"Yep," Kakashi answered for him.  
  
"Oh come on. Don't any of you want to see space?"  
  
"You want to see space?" Kakashi continued once flicking off some ash, "just wait a few hours and look at the sky."   
  
"Are you even a little bit interested in what's out there?"  
  
"I'll admit, I'm a little fascinated..." Asuma, Gai, and Kakashi look up at Kurenai in shock. "...But not enough to to explore with repercussions such as death..." Gai opened his mouth but Asuma interrupted him.  
  
"Yeah, a monkey flying our space shuttle is like making an interview with the reaper."  
  
"I have more faith in any of us flying that bitch than a monkey..." Kakashi paused then added, "...except Gai that is." Gai blew a raspberry at him. He raised an eyebrow, breathed out some smoke, and ignored the gesture. "Besides, I already know what's out there: massive clusters of gases such as Hydrogen and Helium fusing and reacting until they either dissipate into the nothingness of space or virtually explode with enough energy to send us into a fiery oblivion." The other three stood there and blinked.  
  
"...You should be a journalist." Kakashi looked at Asuma baffled.  
  
"Oh-kay then..."  
  
"I think he means you think too much...," Kurenai attempted to translate.  
  
"Tell me something I don't know."  
  
"Isn't that impossible at this point?," Asuma pointed out.  
  
"So I thought...," Kakashi mumbled threw his cigarette in an angry tone.  
  
"What do you two have in mind then?," Gai asked Kurenai and Asuma.  
  
"I think we should trick him out of it." Kakashi chuckled.  
  
"Lemme guess, with Genjutsu?" Kurenai smiled.  
  
"You don't miss a thing do you?"  
  
"It's only a dead give-a-way, Ure..." Asuma smiled as she looked at him coldly.  
  
"What did I tell you about calling me Ure?" His smile widened.  
  
"It makes you horny?" She snorted as the men laughed.  
  
"Get over yourself, ASSuma," she gritted threw her teeth. "What's your great idea then?"  
  
"I haven't thought of anything yet."  
  
"Typical," Kurenai rolled her eyes.  
  
"I think we should be more worried about having all of the children all in one shuttle..." The other three Jônin's faces paled.  
  
"God save the queen...," Gai pleaded. Kakashi looked over at Gai exasperated. He then looked up at the sky and yelled,  
  
"THE WORLD HAS GONE WRONG!" He looked back at the other three, staring at him worried. "I feel better now."  
  
"...Alrighty then..." Kurenai and Asuma stepped away slowly from Kakashi. "So, who is going with me to tell the teams?" They all paused to look at each other, then Kakashi brought out his favorite novel and began to walk away. "Where are you going?"  
  
"I'm going to get tranquilizers..."  
  
"...Isn't that a little bit extreme for children?"  
  
"You think it's for them? The brats can get their own!" He walked off after throwing his cigarette bud on the ground. Asuma looked over at Kurenai.  
  
"Is it just me or are the most sensible people's sanity slowly slipping?" Gai paniced.  
  
"Oh no, I'm going to be next!" The other two remaining Jônins sweatdropped.  
  
"You don't have to worry about that for a long time, Gai...," Kurenai muttered. Asuma began to walk off also. "So why are you leaving?"  
  
"Getting more cigarettes."  
  
"So who's going to go with me to tell the teams then?!" Gai looked up at Kurenai with glee. "...Not going to happen." Kurenai hurried off.  
  
"Hey, how come everyone's leaving me?" He sighed sadly, knowing he was going to be all alone for the moment. "...I know! I can count the seconds I must wait until I get to see my favorite student in the whole wide world again!! And if I lose track I'll have to dash around Konoha dressed up as Kakashi!!" And so, Gai went forth to do so...like a typical moron.  
  
===

**A little over an hour later...**  
  
Of course, Gai was forced to do so because Kurenai came back dragging the kicking and screaming Asuma and Kakashi to retrieve him as well.  
  
"The hell you two are going to leave me with all the work!! Come on Gai."  
  
"6,031, 6,032, 6,033..."  
  
"What is he doing?" Asuma paused from flailing about on the ground in Kurenai's grasp. Kakashi looked up at Gai and smirked evilly.  
  
"84, 63, 22..."  
  
"...23, 24, 25-GAH!!!" Gai shot a glare at Kakashi. "Very clever my rival, as usual..."  
  
"Okay, that's nice Gai. We all need to tell them."  
  
"YOU CAN'T MAKE US!!" Asuma wailed.  
  
"YES I CAN!!!" The three men's eyes widdened. There were too many possiblities to take the chance.  
  
"...Fine, we'll tell them all together." Kakashi admitted and pried himself out of Kurenai's grips to brush himself off.  
  
"Kakashi, can I borrow your clothes?" Everyone stared at Gai perturbed.  
  
"W-What? Why?" Before Gai could give any form of answer, he stipped Kakashi nude manually and ran off while throwing on Kakashi's outfit.  
  
"It's-your-fault-I'll-be-back!!" Kakashi sat on the ground, completely nude. He pulled his kness up to the fetal position in hopes no one would see his nakeness while blushing.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK?!?! GAI!!!" Kurenai giggled.  
  
"It's been a while since I have seen you without your mask Kakashi..." She drooled at his handsomeness. Asuma shook his head sadly.  
  
"GAI I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!"


	2. Anouncement

Space Case  
  
By: Kaki-kun  
  
Ah, I found that to be a good chapter. This is going better than I thought, and the ideas better than the camping trip one cause there would be less people to weave in. Please review and give me thoughts or maybe some ideas, everything is appreciated except flaming.  
And I also noticed my mistake last chapter. Not only were there a few spelling errors, but I put the wrong pen name. ;;; This fic, including the first chapter, is written solelly by me, Kaki. Again, gomen.  
  
People who need disclaimer or key, look at last chapter. I'm too lazy. ;p  
  
Chapter 2: Announcement  
  
**7 a.m.  
**  
"Hopefully Sasuke will arrive before Naruto..." Sakura mumbled to herself while trudging down the road. Another early morning, another day Kakashi would be late by several hours. She heard a rustle and looked up in the trees, her eyes widened in disbelief. "OH MY GOD, NO WAY!!"  
  
"GAH!" Kakashi lost his balance and fell to the ground, ears throbbing. Naruto and Sasuke ran up behind her.  
  
"Sakura, what's going on? Why did you scream?," Naruto asked worried. Sakura pointed at Kakashi holding the side of his head, dazed.  
  
"HE'S ON TIME!!" Naruto and Sasuke looked in disbelief.  
  
"I am...?," Kakashi muttered.  
  
"The world's coming to an end! But I still haven't kissed Sasuke yet!"  
  
"Yeah, and the all-you-can-eat ramen feast is next week!" Kakashi blinked, finally pulled together. "But at least Kakashi-sensei came here on time!"  
  
"We were meeting here?" Sasuke sweatdropped as the other two fell over anime style.  
  
"So much for miracles..." Kakashi scratched the back of his head and put his book away for the moment.  
  
"Okay, let's try and get started then..."  
  
"That's it for today..." Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto looked up in surprise.  
  
"But it's only noon! Why so early and in the middle of our training? I was just getting used to this!," Naruto whined.  
  
"We're meeting up with the other teams to announce something relayed for Hokage-sama."  
  
"Why can't you just tell us individually?," Sasuke asked while raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Because we're having enough problems admitting it to ourselves to admit it to you." The three of them looked amongst each other and shrugged it off.  
  
Team 7 arrived at the location the Jônins agreed on earlier. Ino ran up and glomped Sasuke.  
  
"Oh Sasuke! I've missed you so much! That pink-haired dog didn't do anything bad to you did she?"  
  
"Ino-pig!" As Sakura attempted to pry off Ino, Lee came up to Sakura.  
  
"Hey Sakura! How are you doing?"  
  
"Not now Lee!" He pouted sadly. Naruto rolled his eyes and sat down next to Shikamaru.  
  
"...What's with you?" Shika asked while staring at the sky.  
  
"I just want to get back to training so I can beat Sasuke."  
  
"Your mad because you have no attention compared to Sasuke, aren't you?"  
  
"Shut it, Shika!"  
  
"Whatever they're going to tell us won't be good." Naruto looked at Shika, interested. "Haven't you noticed how different they're acting? Your sensei and mine are normally the calmest but they even seem fidgety. Gai-san's even nervous, and none of us had any clue he could actually feel that emotion..." Naruto gulped. "But worrying about it won't change whatever they will say."  
  
"Attention!" All of the Genins quieted down. "Alright, we have some very...unusual news from Hokage-sama...Asuma, you tell them!," Kurenai whispered to Asuma.  
  
"Me? I think Gai should tell them."  
  
"I'm not telling them! You do it Kakashi!"  
  
"Hah-NO." All of the Genins sweatdrop nervously.  
  
"They're arguing over who will tell us??"  
  
"That's sad."  
  
"Maybe we should write it down...," Gai proposed.  
  
"JUST GET IT OVER WITH!," Naruto yelled at them.  
  
"We're all going to die.," Kakashi said bluntly and the other Jônins looked at him with blank expressions.  
  
"That's a little bit obvious, Kakashi-sensei," Sasuke pointed out. Suddenly Gigi ran up to the group.  
  
"Awww, a monkey! How cute!" Tenten said with delight. Akamaru barked at Gigi, but Kiba scooped him up.  
  
"It's okay, Akamaru."   
  
"Hey, I finally got an idea: we kill the monkey then we can't even get off the ground." Asuma gestured his cigarette at Gigi.  
  
"Good idea...," Kurenai started, "...but he could give us something even worse like a goldfish. And if the second animal died, he would get suspicious..."  
  
"Damn..."  
  
"Can you get to the point?!," Neji snarled.  
  
"Okay, we don't want to tell you that Hokage-sama is trying to kill us..."  
  
"He's going to kill you if you tell us?," Choji asked while stuffing his face with greasy potato chips.  
  
"No, he's just trying to kill us. And by us, I mean all of you, the four of us...and the monkey," Asuma attempted to explain.  
  
"W-Why would he want to kill the monkey?," Hinata asked cautiously.  
  
"That is a good point. I mean, he does likes the monkey so why would he kill Gigi?," Gai asked the other Jônins.  
  
"FORGET THE MONKEY!," Kakashi yelled, on his last nerve. Everyone became quiet. "Can we LEAVE the monkey out of this so we won't confuse them anymore than we already have?!" The other Jônins nodded while slowly backing away from Kakashi. "I'll tell you everything Hokage-sama told us, and any questions you can ask him personally." The Genins nodded also. "All present here are going to space. That monkey named Gigi is piloting our shuttle. We're going because."  
  
"Because what?," Shika dared to ask.  
  
"That's all Hokage-sama told us. He left the sentence end with because," Kurenai intervened before Kakashi could blow his lid a second time. "We're leaving in 2 days, so use this time to pack up, make a will, whatever you want. We'll be working on trying to get us out of the situation. We'll meet at the school around 8 am, don't be late." Lee ran up to Gai with teary eyes.  
  
"Gai-sensei, is it true?" Gai and Lee hugged each other and a sunset appeared behind them dramatically.  
  
"Yes! We're going to space together!"  
  
"Oh sensei!"  
  
"I hope they stop before I gag...," Kakashi muttered to Asuma.  
  
"You're not kidding..." Ino latched onto Sasuke's arm.  
  
"Sasuke, did you hear that? We're going to space together! Isn't it romantic?" Sakura grabbed on to the other arm and pull him away from her.  
  
"Yes, just the two of us-and Ino-pig will just stay locked up in her room. I assure you." Both girls glared at each other furiously while making cat noises. Sasuke sweatdropped.  
  
"Can you let go of my arms?"  
  
"NO!," the two girls yelled in unison. Naruto pouted.  
  
"It's always about Sasuke!" He thought for a moment. "Oh no, I'm going to miss the all-you-can-eat ramen feast!!" Choji joined in crying with Naruto.  
  
"I'm going to miss it too!" They hugged each other while crying.  
  
"So much for peace and quiet...," Shika mumbled to himself. Suddenly, Hokage ran up to them out of breath.  
  
"Ah...I finally found you..."  
  
"What do you need, Hokage-sama?," Kurenai asked.  
  
"Okay how's this: you're going to space to fight and claim Mars back from the evil aliens by using some kung-fu!" The Hokage threw his fist into the air. The wind blew by, dead silence overcoming them.  
  
"We don't even know kung-fu!," exclaimed Kakashi. Lee bounced up and down happily.  
  
"I know kung-fu!," he exclaimed while waving his hand in the air.  
  
"That's...nice...," Kakashi eyed him unusually. Gigi climbed up a tree and hung down from the branch.  
  
"There you are Gigi! Come on, let's go make some origami!" Gigi clambered down and sat upon the Hokage's head as he skipped off. Everyone stood there speechless. Shinbo finally spoke up.  
  
"Well...if we're in space, at least he can't drive us nuts with his crazy antics..." They continued to stand there, a loss of words, only Sasuke nodded his head to Shinbo's comment.  
  
This was going to be their toughest mission yet.


	3. Blast Off

Space Case  
  
By: Kaki-kun  
  
Yup, another chapter! For those who read my other fic, The Only Thing To Hold Dear, I'll update don't worry, I'm just stuck on the Kaka (drunk) /Iru's first conversation, that's all. I shall update, never fear! ;) Gomen about last chapter, the thing kept putting Shinbo instead of Shino. I think most of you would understand.  
  
Disclaimer:   
  
Key:  
  
"...." = Speech  
  
'......' = Thoughts  
  
....... = Stuffness  
  
Chapter 3: Blast Off  
  
Two days came and passed quickly.  
  
If humanly possible, Naruto ate twice as much ramen than normal, claiming that 'they didn't have ramen tubes for space and he might starve'. He also spent an ample amount of his time with Iruka, if it were bursting in his classroom to ask a question or breaking in his house at night to tell ghost stories. He decided he can pack at the last minute.  
  
Iruka was sad for Naruto, but insisted for Naruto become 'closer' with his comrades on the trip. Although he would miss the little hellion, he also wanted Naruto to create more friends than just himself so when the day he leaves this world, all hell won't break lose.  
  
Sakura was probably one of the few people that were happy about the trip. She was going to be with Sasuke day and night for months! Of course she was going to have to deal with Ino-pig and Naruto first, but, hey she can handle that right?  
  
Sasuke was mad. Not like he wasn't mad most of the time, but he was even more so. He was going to be around a bunch of bakas for months on end with no break. But he planned. Secretly planned. He will have his way and revenge...it would just take some time and much effort...  
  
Kakashi was feeling rather depressed. He had to give his precious dogs to Hayate until his return home, if there was a return home. Even worse, the next edition of Itcha Itcha Paradise was coming out in a week, and he wouldn't be there for it the moment it was released. And to top off the trip, he had to endure Gai and a motherload of annoying little brats. He wasn't good with children as it is, but now he had to babysit them for longer than a few hours tops?! The hell he was going to go on that ship without a fight.  
  
Hinata was nervous. Hell, she is always nervous so this wasn't a big surprise. She did find Gigi to be a nice monkey, and she would get to spend time with N-N-N-Naruto-k-kun hopefully. The only downer was her cousin Neji, who despised her. She was the kind of person that felt worthless when loathed. At least Kiba was attending, he always managed to comfort her with nice words.  
  
Kiba was so-so with the issue. He didn't want to leave home, but he would get to spend time with Hinata. As long as Akamaru would be coming, he was fine with it.  
  
Akamaru is a dog. I do not speak dog, sorry. Maybe you can ask Kiba, but I assure you that won't be happening in this story.  
  
Shino was disappointed. The bug convention was just around the corner, and he was finally going to attend after buying tickets off ebay. His parents always seemed so angry whenever he mentioned bug conventions, he didn't understand why. (this is because most people kill the bugs before putting them in a collection. If you don't get it by now, give up) He could show off his bug collection and look at the nice variety there. But since he was leaving to space for months, he would never get the chance. At least he could fanticize.  
  
Kurenai...well...was Kurenai. Which would be crimson in Japanese, so she was crimson. Which is a fancy way of saying red. Why was she red? Well, maybe it was because she was mad. Why was she mad? Reasons we're not going to cover. ;p  
  
Anko was not there. Anko is a funny name to repeat. Anko. Anko. Anko. Anko doesn't matter. And if Anko heard Kaki saying things like that about Anko, Anko might hurt Kaki so Kaki will supposedly overlook Anko's unworthyness. Third person is fun to do says Kaki.  
  
#(Anko hurts Kaki anyways)# ...anyways...  
  
Lee was excited beyond words. Another of the few individuals that was looking forward to the trip. He was going to be with Gai-sensei even longer than he would normally! If there was a bad point, it would be there wasn't going to be much room to train...but he would still get a nice work out beating the aliens on Mars with kung-fu. Plus, he believed that it only contributed to failure with thoughts such as regret or worry.  
  
Neji was mostly indifferent. But that's the illusion he would like you to believe. Such a deception would make Kurenai, the Genjutsu godess, proud of him. But he wasn't her student so that really didn't matter. Even if his teacher was proud of him for things like that, he still wouldn't care. Because there was something that he knew. Something that made him feel somewhat happy with the oppertunity, but he would never show it.  
  
Tenten was also mostly indifferent. Like she normally was, being such a worthless, rarely mentioned fill-in character.  
  
Gai was happy. Jeez, when wasn't he? Maybe in secret he bawled his eyes out in the corner of his room, masking his insecurity and depression with unatural happiness. Is this true? Well, the world will never know. All that mattered at the moment was he looked forward to being with his comrades in another exciting mission.  
  
Ino was just as happy as Sakura. Just her and beloved Sasuke...of course, she would always be pulled to reality with Sakura being in their presence. She will have to deal with her first, then woo Sasuke into love.  
  
Shika found all of this troublesome. He also found breathing to be troublesome, talking, and almost everything. He would like to stare at the stars, but he hoped everyone would leave him alone to do so. He knew the odds, he was going to be disappointed more than likely.  
  
Choji always wanted to try tube food. It would be easier to carry in large quantities. (hey, how do you think he's the strongest out of the genins?)  
  
Asuma was afraid. Very afraid. Because of a very deep fear he held in him made him afraid. Two very deep fears in fact, but one was because of the cigarettes. The nicotine did weird things to his already fucked up head, so he brought more than 5,000 cigarettes to be just in case that fear would come true: not having his fix. He knew his wife could take care of Konohamaru by herself, because she normally did. Why do you think he's such a brat? Anyways, he was terrified. The phobia that he not dare tell anyone except his wife was being fueled because of this trip. Oh the horror...he'll be in therapy for months when this is over...  
  
but then again, who wasn't going to be?  
  
And so, the dreaded hour came, and everyone (excluding Kakashi) met at the Academy. Kurenai had to drag Kakashi back from his house, kicking and screaming once again. And they drove to the shuttle. (hell, if there's a space shuttle, then there's definatly going to be cars!)  
  
"Wow...it's HUGE!!" Naruto proclaimed in awe.  
  
"It's gotta be if it's going to house all of us!" Ino chimed. "I have the room next to Sasuke's!!"  
  
"No, I have the room next to Sasuke's!!"  
  
"Well I have dibs!!" The two girls continued to bicker. Gai and Lee skipped off ahead of the group while Asuma stayed behind with Kurenai, dragging Kakashi as he clawed at the ground desperatly.  
  
"I DON'T WANNA GOOOOO!!!!!!"  
  
"And you think we want to?" Asuma asked while shifting his backpack on his shoulder.  
  
"I don't care what you want!!!"  
  
"Aren't we loved..." Sasuke glared at the world around him while Naruto planned a way to get Sakura next to his room.  
  
"Why don't we all get rooms next to our teammates and teachers?"  
  
"That's a great idea Naruto, for a nice change!" Sakura said.  
  
"NO WAY!!!" Ino snarled at the two. "Every person to their own!!" Kurenai could feel a vein buldging in her forehead.  
  
"Come willingly Kakashi..."  
  
"NEVER!!!" She proceeded to give him a nice kick in the ribs, winding him.  
  
"Or I'll put pictures of you naked in the streets on the internet so every girl and women will remember or realize you hotness and stalk you day and night like when we were kids..." Kakashi and Asuma looked at Kurenai shocked.  
  
"YOU TOOK PICTURES?!?!?"  
  
"Yup. Thank you Verison wireless picture taking phones." Kakashi sighed in defeat and pulled himself to his feet.  
  
"I hate you..." Kurenai stepped out in front of everyone, including Gai and Lee.  
  
"I think we should establish rules before going on board..."  
  
"No, let's not." The genins kept walking.  
  
"DAMN IT, WE'RE MAKING RULES WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!!!" Everyone stared at Kurenai frightened...except Sasuke of course, but you know deep down that's how he felt. "...Alright, first, there will be two different hallways, one for girls and one for boys." Many of them made disappointed notions. "Second, no playing with buttons. Third, I'll make more rules when I come across them, is that understood?" Everyone nodded.  
  
And because Kaki is too lazy to put in idle chit chat, Kaki'll sum up what happens from there:  
  
they go adventure and explore the places. There's the control room, sector A, kitchen/dinning room, sector B, living room, sector C, study room, sector D, and their individual rooms. Then the ship took off and they were on their way to Mars... 


	4. Death By Beanie Babies

Space Case  
By: Kaki-kun

Wow, look at all the nice reviewers :D Yay! gives reviewers cookies Tee! I'll thank you all individually next chapter! But for now, it's time for some more insanity! w00t!

Note: I edited this chapter because I noticed that I wrote it twice. Sorry I haven't been updating in FOREVER, I blame high school. x.x I added on more too, if you're wondering. ;)

Disclaimer: Since I forgot to do a disclaimer for the last two chapters, here: I own EVERYTHING! MUAHAHAHAHA! #(sirens come up to door and people in white coats march into room)# NO! I DOO!  
DA Guy: It looks like you never recovered. Come on back...  
Kaki: NOOOOO!  
DA Guy: Alright. Say it.  
Kaki: I OWN EVERYTHING!  
Drone like people: Tisk tisk tisk.  
Kaki: FINE! I'm Kaki and I...  
DA Guy: Come on. You can do it.  
Kaki: ...DON'T OWN ANYTHING! #(cries)#  
Drone like people: Hi Kaki.  
DA Guy: Welcome back to Disclaimer annon.  
Kaki:'( I hate you people so much...  
DA Guy: Yeah, we don't cover insanity or sadness.

"..." Speech

'...' Thoughts

... Stuffness

* * *

Chapter 4:Death by Beanie Babies

**Only a few minutes after breaking threw the Earth's atmosphere...(10:39 a.m.)**

"I CALL THIS ROOM!" Sakura yelled.

"I CALLED THAT ONE BEFORE YOU, DOG!"

"DID NOT!"

"Can everyone please just settle back-"

"OH WOW! TUBE FOOD IS EVEN BETTER THAN I EXPECTED!"

"Please stop screamin-"

"LOOK! I'M A BIRD!" Lee floated in the air while spinning.

"WOW! HEY AKAMARU, WATCH THIS!" Kiba started doing summersaults in the air. Kurenai slammed her angry fist into a panel and suddenly everyone came crashing down to the ground.

"OW! Who brought their ninja stuff!" Tenten whined while mending a puncture from landing on someone's bag. No one answered.

"EVERYONE SHUT UP, SIT, AND CALM DOWN!" Everyone stared at Kurenai frightened, including Sasuke this time but no one noticed, and sat down. "Alright, no more anti-gravity until everything is under control!"

"That'll never happen..." Shika muttered.

"And no more yelling. If anyone is going to be yelling around here, it'll be me."

"How come you can yell then?" Ino snorted.

"Would any of you want to try to keep me from yelling?" The three men shook their heads frantically. "Good." Kurenai smirked and placed her hands on her hips. Well, at least everyone understood who exactly was in charge.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Oh please. These three elite ninja's, each individually more powerful than Kurenai, were afraid of her simply because she was a women? 'Ridiculous.'

That's when it happened. Both Sasuke and Shino snorted at the same time. They both paused to glare at each other before Kurenai interrupted their silent death sentences.

"Snort while you can. You too will succumb to the fear of women..." She laughed maniacally, causing the three men to cower and scurry over to the corner to tremble like good little boys. "First, in matter of the rooms, I have decided a way for everyone to get rooms fairly. Girls take one of your bags and put it on the right side of the room. Boys, you go into the hallway for a moment." Everyone looked at her questioningly but did as they were told. As soon as all the girls had placed their bags on the right side, Kurenai let the boys come in and sent the girls out. "Okay, do the same as the girls except put your bags on the left side." She said before pulling her head out of the room. They did so and everyone was back in the room again, even more puzzled than before. "Now, everyone take a random bag from the opposite side that you are on and put it down that hallway."

"Oh, now it makes sense..."

"I can easily tell which bag Sasuke's is! This one!" Sakura picked up a navy blue bag happily.

"Yeah right, this one has Sasuke written all over it!" Ino held up a black bag triumphantly. Both girls bickered some more before running down the boys hallway to pick the perfect room for their love... Tenten picked up a pink bag.

"Okay, which guy has a pink bag!" Everyone remained silent. "Fine, ignore me then!" She stormed off, feeling disappointed that she was so insignificant. If anyone else asked they would have answered probably.

"Which bag would be Sakura's!" Naruto frantically shuffled threw the variety of luggage.

"I bet this one is Sakura's!" Lee popped his head out of the pile and ran off.

"Aw man..." Naruto grabbed a random bag and trudged off, not realizing that WAS her bag. Kurenai grabbed a random bag but never managed to pull it off the ground with an easy pull. She looked bag down at the bag in surprise.

"Who was stupid enough to put a really heavy bag here?" Before any response was heard, Kakashi swiped his bag away from her and clutched it protectively against his chest.

"MINE!" He snarled. Everyone glanced at him strangely. "Of course there's nothing suspicious in my bag! What makes you think that?" Kurenai, Gai, and Asuma sweatdropped.

"Geez, don't tell me you brought THAT..."

"Stop assuming things! AND SHE'S NOT A THAT!" He hissed angrily.

"Uh-huh, sure Kakashi..." Soon everyone had put a bag somewhere except Kurenai, Kakashi would just get whatever room was leftover because she knew it was his bag.

"Alright, everyone else go get in your room and unpack. Do whatever you want but try to stay calm at least." The preteens decided this would be the best time to make their leave. So they did.

The men's eyes widened. The worst case scenario had become reality. Them. Alone. With Kurenai. In an evil mood. The same prey-like instinct hit all of their minds instantly.  
Run!  
Kakashi, Asuma, and Gai hurried to their feet and ran full dash to the door. Kurenai's eye gleamed as she reached out a hand and firmly grasped the collar of one of their green jackets. The other two successfully escaped the peril and continued to dash down the hallway. A cryfor mercy could be heard from all of the rooms as most of the Genins ignored it. Only Lee's ears were filled with horror.

"GAI-SENSEI!" He ran full speed back to sector C when something grabbed his arms. Asuma and Kakashi continued to flee while dragging the kicking and screaming Lee with them.

"Don't look back! NEVER look back!"Asuma instructed to the crying Lee.

"SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"Morons." Sasuke muttered quietly before strolling in his room with Ino and Sakura sighing dreamily behind him.

The remainder of the shinobi investigated where their rooms were. Sasuke's was at the far end, then Shino's on his right- Naruto on his left, by Naruto's leftwere Kiba, Asuma, Kakashi, and Gai on the end, by Shino's rightwas Lee, Choji, Shika, and then Neji on the end. The girls hallway had Sakura and Ino on the right side and Kurenai and Tenten on the left. Shika went in the control room in hopes of finding peace but instead found a hyper-active monkey.

"At least you don't bitch..." He thought aloud to himself, referring to Ino, while sitting down in the pilots seat.

"Ooo ooo oo! Kikikai!" Gigi continued to push random buttons an setting off the alarm momentarily. Shika sighed while gazing at the Earth like he wasbored out of his mind.

Ino and Sakura fought over Sasuke some more in front of his bedroom door. Sigh. Thankfully for him, these doors were sound proof. Tenten asked around, but it seemed no one wanted to play shogi(+) with her. Poor Tenten, she was going to have to be alone in the cruel world as a fill-in. So she played with herself while silently sobbing in her room. Choji went back to sector A to eat, where Asuma was already, smoking his cigarettes there with shaky hands. He sighed and left when Choji came in the room. Neji also locked himself in his room and hoped no one would notice him until the time was right.

* * *

Naruto stomped down the hallway. He wasn't going to take much more of this. Scratch that, he wasn't going to take it ANYMORE. Why he withstood Sasuke from the start was still a mystery to him, but all that mattered was kicking his ass now. He gently shoved the two bickering girls aside and pounded on Sasuke's door.

"Sasuke, you bastard! Get out here!" No answer. Naruto felt an eye twitch when his beautiful angel next to him screeched in his ear.

"Naruto! You leave Sasuke alone!"

"Yeah! You caused Sasuke enough grief from that 'incident' back at the academy!"

"That wasn't even my fault!" He shouted at Ino before turning back to the door in hopes the two would just go away for the time being. "What's the matter? Is the _great_ Uchiha afraid to fight me?"

"Sasuke isn't afraid of anything!" Sakura whacked him upside the head and he pouted sadly. Unfortunately for him, puppy dog eyes weren't a thing Sakura was susceptible to. Well, at least for uncool, Kyuubi-infested dobes.

"Why would he waste his time and energy proving anything to you?" Naruto's eyes flared angrily. It was then he silently praised the fact he didn't have Ino on his team.

"Oh shut up! If I hear anymore bullshit, I'm gonna hurl!"

"Then get lost!" Sakura spun around and asked sweetly to the metal door before her,"Would you like me to get rid of these two before coming in there?" Naruto cringed at Sakura worshiping the very quarters he resided in. Still, nothing but utter silence wafted from the door to the three genin ears. Still attempting to maintain his ego's status, he boasted again.

"I guess you're nothing but a big chicken, huh Sasuke?" Sakura countered with a direct uppercut to the chin.

"I thought I told you to get lost!" The three bickered some more while Sasuke sat content in his room, drawing up plans with his headphones on full blast. Ah, being oblivious to the world was a good feeling. Maybe he could live with this for a while.

* * *

Choji was simply working on his special curry, humming cheerfully while dicing away with unusual speed for someone of his size. He found out from the Hokage shortly before they left that regular food could be prepared and made out in space;but with questioning the Hokagehe founddifficult sincetheleaderwas attending a renaissance festival while wearing a blinding fairy outfit and speaking old english. Then his thoughts lingered over to Shika, sitting quietly in sector A and his chopping pace slowed to an thoughtful and uneven pace. Ahh, that sweet ponytail wearing boy, his comrade, best friend, and secret lover-- wait, where did that come from?

"Ow..." Hinata mumbled quietly across by the bar stool, behind his back. Kiba, sitting next to her, looked over at Hinata.

"Hm?"

"Grrrr..."

"Akamaru!" Kiba rushed over at Hinata with an angry puppy attached to her leg. "I'm sorry Hinata! I have no clue what's gotten into him!" Kiba pried his disobedient pet off of his team mate. Choji chuckled at hearing the two and, being pulled away from his lucious thoughts, began to hum while making everyone's lunch.

"D-Do you think Akamaru hates me...?" Hinata asked sadly.

"Oh no, Hinata! He likes you! Maybe he just wanted to get my attention. You need to go to the bathroom boy?" A thought struck his mind and Choji turned his attention away from the boiling water on the stove.

"Where is he going to do his business anyway?"

"Well, my room has linoleum flooring, so he can just go in there and I clean it up."

"That sucks." Choji said while putting spices and vegetables in. It sucked, yes, but he didn't have anything to do with it. And that was all the reasoning he needed to keep out of the rest of the story.

"...I-If you want, I could h-help too..." Kiba blushed.

"Oh no! It's okay, Hinata, he's my dog after all. I can take care of him." Akamaru growled and barked. "Quiet you! You've been a bad dog!" He whined and trudged off to leave his master at peace with the girl he likes. Choji smiled while thinking about giving Akamaru a dog biscuit later.

* * *

Kakashi and Asuma sat quietly in sector D.

Kakashi quickly pulled down his mask to take a sip of his coffee before putting it back in place and glancing back at the clock. His normally unshakable nerves were still a bit fazed from earlier that morning. And the morning a few days ago with Gai. Hell, everything was frightening him lately- and fear was not a good feeling he concluded. They were all scaring him: Gai, Sodaime, Kurenai- well, Kurenai was normally scary, but it still counted in his mind.

Maybe they were all out to get him. Perhaps they joined an evil fray which was bent on getting revenge on him. Revenge for things that weren't his fault. Maybe when they scare him completely out of his mind and he lets his guard down, they'll jump him, gag him, then smother him to death with Ty plush beanie babies. Or maybe he was just paranoid.

Yet one could never be too sure. The least he could do was send a warning to the single remainingpeer in this ship that hadn't frightened him recently.

"Asuma..." Kakashi started. "You wouldn't ever turn on me, right?"

"Well of course not..." He said while blowing a puff of smoke into the air. Kakashi watched the dangerous gas swirl above his head before returning his serious gaze back to Asuma.

"...And you definitely would never smother me to death with Ty beanie babies...am I correct?" Asuma gave the other Jounin a weird look before answering.

"I think you've had too much coffee." That...was reasonable.

"Ah..." Kakashi said, happy he finally found a solution he could hold onto at the moment.

'Yeah, what was I thinking?' He pushed some sliver strands of hair away from his line of vision.

'Asuma doesn't even have any beanie babies...'

* * *

(+) Shogi is japanese Chess basically.

Update will, hopefully, be coming soon! x.x Somerandomclips to be happening (not neccessarily the next chapter):

"Sasuke, I challenge you to an eating contest!"  
---  
"Poor Tenten...I hope you feel better-" Lee began but was abruptly interupted by Neji running into the room, in between the two Genins, hissing.

"She mine...MINE!" He sneered at Lee while covering Tenten protectively. Gai, Tenten, Lee, and Sasuke sweatdropped.

"I really hope we didn't forget to bring your meds, Neji...," said Gai.

"Of course I'm taking my medicine! What are you talking about! I DIDN'T DO IT!" Neji shifted his eyes suspiciously.

"Why would you need to shift your eyes if you can see 360 degrees?"

"SHUDDAP YOUR MOUTH!" He yelled at Tenten. Sasuke sighed.

"God save the queen..."

"NO! GOD SHALL NOT SPARE THE QUEEN FOR YOUR PLEASURE! But he will provide porn." Neji squealed and scurried off.

"...How could we have forgotten his meds...?"

"...It's times like these I'm grateful for being in Team 7."  
---  
Sasuke paused from his train of thought about his psychotic master's weapon, which, unknowing to everyone, was being hoarded along with Tenten (who is starting to dehydrate) in Neji's closet, and focused his attention to the clean, white envelope on the floor. He studied it suspiciously, 'it could have an explosive note attached,' he thought.  
Then he figured using explosives in this place was basically commiting kamikaze.  
Thinking about it more, he realized he wouldn't put it past any of them to do something so wreakless.  
Finally concluding that everyone had their heads so far up their asses they couldn't possibly come up with a logical plan, Sasuke picked it up and opened it.  
---  
Of course, having thoughts with 'cousin' and 'lick' was anything but right, these things can be overlooked because poor Neji is deprived of his meds. Not like he truely wanted them. We can all blame Gai later.  
---  
"Yeah, don't be such a dobe Naruto! Sasuke is more manly than _you_ are anyways!" Shino bravely stood up against the two female teenagers.

"How would you two know? Neither of you have ever seen his-"

Cat noises and sounds of bones cracking under tremendous force could be heard from the mission control room. Even the Jounin instructors had to shield their eyes from the bloody sight of two raging teenage females, one having her "friend" to make matters worse.  
---  
"So who's the new Hokage?"

"Jiraiya-sama." Gai and Asuma's eyes widdened. After a long akward silence, Asuma spoke up.

"...Maybe, just maybe, we're better off here...in space..."

"Yeah, he probably would have Naruto teach us all his famous sexy-no-jutsu...," Gai mentioned. Asuma looked over at Gai and pictured him doing sexy-no-jutsu. His eye twitched as the puipil grew small, his cigarette fell out of his mouth because itpropped open.

"AHHHH! MY EYES! THE HORROR!" He ran out of the room screaming. The four remained silent.  
---  
"...Hatake, I speak for everyone when I say you are one disturbing son of a bitch..." Kakashi ignored Gai and continued to stroke Kooni.

"My precious...I know, this long of a wait has you ACHING in PAIN...I'm sure you'll enjoy this BLOOD..." Gai laughed nervously.

"Is this the part where I run?"

--- 


End file.
